Book Club Cheerleader
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Faking It—In an Important Way (January 29, 2010)
“That waiter sure looks familiar,” I think to myself.
I’m sitting with my book club, Readers in the Hood, at the Pulpwood Queens Author’s Dinner, and I turn to another Hoodie and ask, “Did you read that guy’s name tag?” She hadn’t.
He pours a glass of water for my sister-in-law. “Hey Anne, did you catch his name?” I ask in a stage whisper.
“Nope. His badge was at the wrong angle.”
Finally he pours water for my sister, and I can read his name. “You’re Jamie Ford!” I practically shout.
He grins modestly, “Yes. I believe I am.”
“You wrote Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet!”
Again, the shy smile. “Guilty as charged...”
“You were voted one of the top three book clubs books of 2009 by BookBrowse.com!” I gush.
He regards me patiently as one would humor a small child—or an adult with an IQ under 70. “That was a nice honor.” He fills the last glass at our table and makes his exit—most likely rather relieved to escape the woman with possible Tourette’s syndrome…
I look at my fellow Hoodies. “That was Jamie Ford…”
“Yeah, Marsha. Jamie. Hotel. BookBrowse. We got it.” Another Hoodie says.
Thus went my first encounter with Jamie Ford, famous author. If Will Smith’s character in the comedy Hitch advised his clients to use “shock and awe” tactics to get someone’s attention, I believe I had just used “shockingly awful” ones. But not one to under-achieve, it would not be my last chance that weekend to do so…
The next night, after our Barbie party, as we are enjoying a little nightcap at Skinners—the local biker bar—who should happen to walk in, but Mr. Jamie Ford himself. Since he appears to be alone, there’s room at our table, and I’m a highly inclusive person, I wave and invite him over. He slides in the booth next to Blonde Bimbo Barbie and she begins to regale him with stories of how much she enjoyed his book. She actually just finished it and is enraptured! Her plastic blonde wig bounces around rather unnaturally—but charmingly—as she extols the book’s praises.
Ski Bunny Barbie slips off her fur hat, clutches it to her chest and leans across the table. “Oh, I just haven’t gotten a chance to read it yet, but I hear it’s wonderful! So don’t mention any spoilers.”
Jamie looks at Cheerleader Barbie as if to question what my thoughts might be on the subject.
I desperately want to participate in this conversation. But I am also agonizingly aware that—although this book has sat on my Kindle for the past six months—and two of my book clubs have chosen it as their future reads—I, myself, have yet to peruse a single page. So, I am faced with a dilemma: Just how much do I want to jump into this little chat? If I were to admit that I hadn’t quite gotten to it yet, the discussion would be dead—at least as far as I was concerned. Besides, I am “The Book Club Cheerleader.” To confess that I hadn’t read this book, would be tantamount to self-declaring job negligence! But on the other hand, I couldn’t just out-and-out lie about it—could I?
It was clearly time for an “Onie-lie.” Onie-lies have gotten my family out of pickles for generations. Onie was my maternal grandmother and we credited her with perfecting this scheme for weaseling out of things without technically lying—just a little misdirection. Yep—that was going to be the ticket. I’ve read enough reviews, interviews, and even reading group guides to think of something intelligent to say…
Leaning thoughtfully toward Jamie, in an oh-so-serious and sincere tone of voice, I blurt, “Oh, it’s a very important book!”
Very Important Book? Who said that? Bridget Jones Barbie, infamous public speaker?
Thankfully, not completely stunned by my own stupidity, I quickly follow up that one with “What inspired you set your book in Seattle?” and “Does the hotel in the book actually exist—or is it fictional?” And thus goes our discussion until Ski Bunny Barbie, turns the conversation to Jamie’s heritage. We ask about his wife and kids, share a few wallet photos, and after a while we’re just having a friendly conversation instead of a book interview. A few other authors join us and we move over to the karaoke portion of the bar. Some of our group actually performs on stage, and we ultimately stay out way too late—especially for someone who’s still on doctor’s orders to take daily naps.
Jamie is the keynote speaker the next day, and I take copious mental notes about this great-book-I-have-yet-to-read—you know, in case I might have an occasion to fake it again before the weekend is over. Jamie is signing books after his talk, and realizing that he can’t very well sign my Kindle, I purchase a hard copy specifically for this purpose. One of my girlfriends and I get our picture taken with Jamie when it’s our turn in line. We dance with him at the ball that evening. Well, sort of. We are on the same dance floor. We go to church with him on Sunday. Well, sort of. We are in the same church. But another Onie-lie moment, mercifully, does not present itself.
Eventually, it’s time to fly home and we all say our goodbyes. Finally, relaxing in my plane seat, I open my paperback copy of Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, and realize I have yet to read Jamie’s inscription. I turn to the title page and read, “…Hope you enjoy this important book.” So he knew all along. I guess the granddaughter couldn’t pull off the old Onie-lies quite like the original…
My flight touches down at the Sacramento airport as I turn the last page of Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. And, oddly enough, I think to myself, “This IS a very important book.” With universal themes including father-son relationships, prejudice, and first love—it is captivating and compelling. Overlay that with period-specific gems such the 40’s Jazz scene, relocation camps, and WWII patriotism—in all its disparate faces—and you are transported back to the Seattle of the hero’s childhood.
“Hotel” is sweet, charming, and innocent—which is just as we all found Jamie to be. Oh, yeah—and don’t forget—Very Important.
Rah, Rah, Reading!
BCC
Left: Jamie Ford as waiter du jour (with soon-to-be Ski Bunny Barbie); Center: A Very Important book;
Right: Jamie getting in touch with his feminine side at the OZ party
Right: Jamie getting in touch with his feminine side at the OZ party
One Fine Weekend in the Emerald City (January 22, 2010)
“Sounds like a Convention on Crack…Count me in!” That was the reaction of Sheila, one of my fellow Readers in the Hood members, when I first introduced the idea of going to the Pulpwood Queens Girlfriends Weekend (PWQ GFWE) almost a year ago. After actually attending our first GFWE, I must say her interpretation pretty much nailed it! Even with my 'Shappy Mew Dear’-talk and daily catnaps (Handsome Hubby ensured my sister, Sheri, went along as my nurse) it was one of the ‘funnest’ parties I’ve ever attended—and trust me—I’ve been to some fun parties!
I tried to narrow it down, but it was hard to leave anything out, so here are my Top 10 Most Memorable Moments (assuming I have a memory…):
10 ) Jefferson Convicts and PWQ Burlesque: The Hoodies spent all afternoon on Thursday practicing for a “skit” we were to perform at the “Great Big Ball of Hair Ball.” It was really just sophomoric hand gestures acted out while singing the lyrics to a made-up song, Somewhere Over the Pulpwood Rainbow—written by fellow Book Club Cheerleader, Kay Hodges. The only space large enough to practice our moves was in the back alley behind the Historic Jefferson Hotel—where right next door just happened to sit the local Sheriff’s department. So there we were, out in the alley, sporting turquoise beaded shawls and boas, while our “audience” was lurking around the Sheriff’s yard in bright orange jumpsuits giving us peculiar looks. Not only was turquoise and orange an atrocious color combination—but I’m not sure these poor guys could’ve done anything egregious enough to deserve such cruel and unusual punishment. Fortunately for them, the rain eventually drove us inside. Unfortunately for those who had to watch our little routine on Saturday night, there was no evidence that any practice had ever taken place. But we were proud to have made Kathy Patrick cry! (I’m just not sure if those were tears of joy or pain…)
Left & Center: Everybody Sing along, ”Somewhere, back in the alley, convicts lurk…”?;
Right: The Peacocks of California pose before taking flight.
Right: The Peacocks of California pose before taking flight.
9) Pat and Melissa Conroy: Pat may be the legend of the family, but they were both absolutely adorable! Pat received an award for Best Book of the Year for South of Broad, while Melissa took home the award for Best Children’s Book, Poppy's Pants. Pat served us dinner on Thursday night and was friendlier than a cocker spaniel—just as cute—and he never piddled on my shoes! Many of the other authors were overhead exclaiming throughout the weekend, “Pat Conroy bought my book!” He is truly a gracious man.
Left: Pat Conroy in his serving apron with Readers in the Hood at The Moveable Feast; Center: Pat and Melissa Conroy signing books; Right: Melissa Conroy as Penelope Barbie
8) Auntie
Skinners: Part biker bar, part karaoke showcase, Skinners was the
hangout for authors and readers alike. Tracy Carnes’s (Excess Baggage) outrageous rendition of Bad
Girl made us believe she really was. Well, almost. And Hoodie Sheila
and Kathi Kamen Goldmark’s duet of Higher and Higher made us feel as
though we were. An Elvis impersonator was also thrown into the mix somehow—but how
he ever got to Jefferson from Vegas, I’ll never know…But the highlight of my evening was Jamie Ford (Winner of the
PWQ Bonus Book of the Year for Hotel on the Corner of Bitter
and Sweet—and
the ultimate “nice guy”)—buying me drinks. (OK—he really picked up the tab for
the whole table, but I never let the
truth stand in the way of a good story…)
Left: Tracy Carnes serving at The Moveable Feast: Center: Sam Barry and
Kathi Kamen Goldmark with BCC and Hoodie
Betsy; Right: Jamie Ford and the BCC with his award-winning book
7) PWQ of Katy, Texas: Blonde (mostly) beautiful (all), and charming (to a person), these gals have won “best girl group” two years in a row. And with good reason—they are creative, fun and talented. This year they carried their costume theme of ‘hot pink and zebra’ consistently through the entire weekend—including their bags, jackets, Barbie costumes, and Oz regalia. Since they’re about 20 years younger than most of The Hoodies—we’ve decided we have no other choice than to adopt these darling women. We will definitely be partying with them again in the future!
Left: Katy Club in their
Barbie costumes and their trophy; Center: The Outrageous Lollipop Kids;
Right: The Katy women if full OZ splendor
Right: The Katy women if full OZ splendor
6) The Lollipop Kids: Actually a mother/daughter PWQ group, these gals not only donned killer costumes, but they have some bump and grind moves that R&B artists would kill to be able to duplicate. Wish we’d snagged that performance on video! Go Munchkins! Go Munchkins!
5) The Rock Bottom Remainders: Now those of you who know me, know that the only
man Handsome Hubby has the right to be jealous of is Dave Barry. Dave is
truly the funniest man alive and I’ve had a major crush on him for years! So of
course, I’ve been following his all-author band, The Rock Bottom Remainders
just about as long. Imagine my delight in meeting the founder of that band,
Kathi Kamen Goldmark (And My Shoes Keep Walking Back
to You),
and her newly-wed hubby, Sam Barry (How To Play the Harmonica: and
Other Life Lessons.) And imagine my further delight in discovering that Sam is
Dave’s brother! Throughout the weekend Sam and Kathi treated us to several
numbers including, Somewhere over the Rainbow
and The Pulpwood Ball. They also
joined our table one night at Skinners, where I confessed to Sam that I was in
love with his brother. He looked at me rather quizzically, “You do
know he’s married, right?” Some people just don’t understand!
Left: Blues Ken and Western
Barbie (newlyweds Sam Barry and Kathi Kamen Goldmark); Center: Sam, Kat, and
Kathi performing; Right: My crush, Dave Barry, and BCC at a writer’s conference
several years ago
4) Robert Leleux & Family: As many of you know, Robert met with several members of The Hoodies when we visited New York City last May. His handsome partner, Michael, joined us as well and after taking several pictures with yellow pom poms and red wax lips, we all got along famously. Reprising last year’s performance at GFWE, Robert led the author panels with Kathy Patrick, forming a team affectionately dubbed “BobKat.” His irreverent asides and infectious laugh provided much of the weekend’s entertainment! I didn’t pee my spankies this time—but I was on the verge… (I think that’s a Colin Raye song, isn’t it?) Not only were we pleased and surprised that Michael was able to make the weekend, but Robert also brought his mother, Jessica—the famous co-star of his book,The Memoirs of a Beautiful Boy. Robert, Michael, and Jessica together in one room—what a treat!
Left: BCC, Robert Leleux and his mother, Jessica; Center: Some of The
Hoodies with Robert and his partner, Michael, in NYC last year, Right: “BobKat”
on stage
3) Texas Two-Step, Louisiana Style: Half-way through the “Great Big Ball of Hair Ball”, the band, Borderline (with Kat’s hubby, Jay, on the keyboards and vocals), announced it was time for the Texas Two-Step. Immediately the table of witches next to us (I must point out that these were really nice ladies who were just dressed as witches…) all jumped up and decided the “Women from California” needed to learn this dance. So each member of the Southwestern Louisiana PWQs took a member of our club under her wing (which was a bit counter-intuitive since we were the ones dressed like birds) and taught us to dance. Now, let me tell you, the Texas-Two step is not at all like The Hustle—which is the only line dance I have ever learned. It was rather comical to see Witches dancing with Peacocks, Glendas, Rainbows—and an occasional Flying Monkey thrown in for good measure. Now that’s what I call celebrating diversity! Louisianans teaching Californians to do the Texas Two-Step—who’d a thunk?
Left: BFFs Rhonda Perry and Shellie Rushing Tomlinson (Suck Your Stomach In and Put Some Color On) as twin rainbows, and Ad Hudler (Man of the House) as The Great and Powerful Oz; Center: Those kind Texas Two-steppin’ Witches from SW Louisiana; Right: Deanne Gist (A Bride in the Bargain) as Glenda, and Karen Harrington (Janeology) as Dorothy
2) Queen Kathy Patrick: Although Kathy and I have been email pen pals for a few years now, this was the first time I actually met her in person. She is an outrageously dynamic force for literacy, authors, readers and her community! Who else could’ve pulled off “Tippi Hedren Barbie” (complete with birds pecking at her face) or Texas Tornado (her Oz costume which featured flying cow earrings)? Who else could’ve pulled off such a great author/reader weekend? And who else would dare to invite you into her home—in your pajamas—for a “wine-down” post-party? River Jordan (Saints in Limbo) was overheard describing the scene, “Pulpwood Queens Girlfriends Weekend makes Mardi Gras look tame!” While M.L. Malcolm (Silent Lies) characterized it as “Books by day, Party by night.” Now that’s what I call one fine weekend!
